Keep it Clean, People
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The other night at a rather sophisticated dinner, we ended up in a roundtable discussion. Only here, everyone had to tell a joke. A CLEAN joke. An you know what? We were positively rolling (on the f-ing floor laughing).
My favourite
Q: What do Jack the Ripper and Winnie the Pooh * have in common?
A: Their middle name!
My second favourite
A man walks into an empty bar, sits down, and orders a drink. All of a sudden, he hears someone say: "Hey man, nice trousers." He looks around and sees no one. Then someone else says, "I like your haircut." He still sees no one around, so he asks the bartender, "Um, I keep hearing someone talking to me. Am I losing my mind?" The bartender laughs and says, "No, it's the peanuts. They're complimentary!"
My third favourite
Q: What do you call a fish with no eye?
A: A Fshhhh....
Still not amused?
A man walks into a bar. Ouch.
A dyslexic man walks into a bra.
Two antennas meet on a roof, fall in love and get married. The ceremony wasn't much, but the reception was excellent.
Q: Why did the golfer wear two pairs of pants?
A: In case he got a hole in one!
Q: Why did the reporter walk into the ice cream shop?
A: Because he was looking for a scoop.
Just don't forget the importance of delivery when relating these to your unsuspecting friends. Of course these jokes are dumb. Roll your eyes. Deliver them with "Duh, obviously" read in between the lines.
Clean jokes are way underrated.
* I'm not sure if this is clean or dirty, but(t)...
Q: Why did Tigger look in the toilet?
A: To look for Pooh!
And a late addition:
Q: Why did the chewing gum cross the road?
A: Because it was stuck to the chicken's foot.
Q: What do Jack the Ripper and Winnie the Pooh * have in common?
A: Their middle name!
My second favourite
A man walks into an empty bar, sits down, and orders a drink. All of a sudden, he hears someone say: "Hey man, nice trousers." He looks around and sees no one. Then someone else says, "I like your haircut." He still sees no one around, so he asks the bartender, "Um, I keep hearing someone talking to me. Am I losing my mind?" The bartender laughs and says, "No, it's the peanuts. They're complimentary!"
My third favourite
Q: What do you call a fish with no eye?
A: A Fshhhh....
Still not amused?
A man walks into a bar. Ouch.
A dyslexic man walks into a bra.
Two antennas meet on a roof, fall in love and get married. The ceremony wasn't much, but the reception was excellent.
Q: Why did the golfer wear two pairs of pants?
A: In case he got a hole in one!
Q: Why did the reporter walk into the ice cream shop?
A: Because he was looking for a scoop.
Just don't forget the importance of delivery when relating these to your unsuspecting friends. Of course these jokes are dumb. Roll your eyes. Deliver them with "Duh, obviously" read in between the lines.
Clean jokes are way underrated.
* I'm not sure if this is clean or dirty, but(t)...
Q: Why did Tigger look in the toilet?
A: To look for Pooh!
And a late addition:
Q: Why did the chewing gum cross the road?
A: Because it was stuck to the chicken's foot.
Here Is The Writer : Madame B
Foreign-born Madame B thinks she's a City girl, but mostly just walks our streets checking things out and searching for the best wi-fi hotspots offered by The Cloud. You can spot her typing furiously on her shiny white MacBook, wearing dark sunglasses and drinking a glass of champagne. She's one half of the Shopaholics, which might explain things...
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