Statistically Challenged
Only one more empty Saturday until the greatest show on turf kicks off and Professor Andy Gray returns to our TV screens.
I can shut out most of the things that irritate me about televised football by watching in a noisy pub. That way I can imagine that Andy is bitching about having to endure another 90 minutes of two mediocre sides locked in a deadly struggle...who can show the least adventure, ambition or imagination?
A pleasing illusion but the reality is that Andy is talking up a game that no neutral fan would pay to go and see live with a fervour that would not disgrace a TV evangelist. As a vital part of persuading the viewer that he or she is watching something with the complexity of 3D chess, TV football is heavily laced with statistics. Shots on target, shots off target, blocked shots, offsides, corners - a litany of meaningless nonsense.
The model is of course gridiron or baseball but these are games that are played out in small, digestible chunks with a limited number of possible outcomes. Consider baseball. Pitcher pitches. Ball passes through the strike zone - or not. Batter swings - or not. Ball is hit - or not. All of this can readily be reduced to statistics that serve as a significant measurement of player performance.
Football has patterns of play rather than fixed outcomes and simply doesn't submit to meaningful statistical analysis. Instead there is the laughable concept of percentage possession. In the Premiership ('the greatest league in the world') teams surrender the ball to their opponents so frequently (often with their first touch) that monitoring possession is a fruitless exercise. I can tell who is on top without waiting for the stats.
How about 'pass completion'? When David Batty played for England his completion rate was usually 90% or more. What useful information does this impart to the viewer? Was he spraying it around like Beckenbauer? No, he was knocking it sideways five yards.
Statistics serve no discernible purpose. Couldn't TV analyse something different, like why Joe Cole can't kick the ball with his left foot? And don't even mention ProZone.
A pleasing illusion but the reality is that Andy is talking up a game that no neutral fan would pay to go and see live with a fervour that would not disgrace a TV evangelist. As a vital part of persuading the viewer that he or she is watching something with the complexity of 3D chess, TV football is heavily laced with statistics. Shots on target, shots off target, blocked shots, offsides, corners - a litany of meaningless nonsense.
The model is of course gridiron or baseball but these are games that are played out in small, digestible chunks with a limited number of possible outcomes. Consider baseball. Pitcher pitches. Ball passes through the strike zone - or not. Batter swings - or not. Ball is hit - or not. All of this can readily be reduced to statistics that serve as a significant measurement of player performance.
Football has patterns of play rather than fixed outcomes and simply doesn't submit to meaningful statistical analysis. Instead there is the laughable concept of percentage possession. In the Premiership ('the greatest league in the world') teams surrender the ball to their opponents so frequently (often with their first touch) that monitoring possession is a fruitless exercise. I can tell who is on top without waiting for the stats.
How about 'pass completion'? When David Batty played for England his completion rate was usually 90% or more. What useful information does this impart to the viewer? Was he spraying it around like Beckenbauer? No, he was knocking it sideways five yards.
Statistics serve no discernible purpose. Couldn't TV analyse something different, like why Joe Cole can't kick the ball with his left foot? And don't even mention ProZone.
Here Is The Writer : John Kirk
John Kirk works at Precise Media where he monitors newswires and business internet sites. He previously worked in the wine trade and has lived in southwest London for 18 years. John grew up in Bristol and is in his fifth decade as a Bristol City fan. After a long and undistinguished career as a club cricketer he has recently taken up golf, reasoning that his lack of foot movement will be an asset. John is also interested in City churches and pubs.
view more articles by John Kirk
