Alternative Summer Sports
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Bored with tennis so soon? Or are you just not up to speed with the tennis world? If you are unsure whether Mount Murray is the latest viewing spot or an instruction from the tennis Kama Sutra, why not take up an alternative summer sport?
Last week, I was introduced to the delights of croquet, and what a rough and tumble affair it is. Forget the sweet summer breeze and the distant whiff of Pimm's and barbecued chicken, this game of mallet and ball is tense, competitive and - without doubt - potentially violent. Men being men, the idea of knocking a ball between two posts becomes the most important thing in their lives for a few moments and nothing, not even puerile attempts at distraction by partially inebriated opponents, can distract them from that objective. Woe betide the hapless individual who strays within a radius of three feet of the enthusiastic amateur and his air shot (yes, guilty M’lud). No wonder John Prescott was so attracted to it. Or was it the large tray of sausage rolls at Chequers?
If croquet is too violent for you, why not try a gentle jog instead? If you are lucky enough to live in Greater London, what can be better than inhaling enough carbon dioxide to satisfy any number of bulk chemical processes just by running to the local Tesco Metro and back? With the price of the average shopping basket nowadays, it brings a new meaning to the term 'congestion charge'. Together with the jarring of the knees and ankles incurred by regular running on tarmac, you can console yourself that you will be the mainstay of our great British institution - the National Health Service - well into your 70s. Not only that, with the way our pensions are performing, you will still be working and paying the tax to support the NHS at 70 too.
Are you having second thoughts about sport?
Of course you are.
If you are lucky enough to have a day off, settle back into your settee, pour yourself a beer and watch all of the programmes about people buying property. You can console yourself firstly by knowing that all those people who have jumped onto the 'let’s make a fast buck by buying a property, doing it up and selling it quickly, having used up the goodwill of our extended family and friends by inviting them to a decorating party and getting a day’s hard labour out of them in exchange for some mediocre beer and John Prescott’s latest range of microwave hamburger' bandwagon have been losing megabucks since the programmes were made (as the interest rates have gone up and they can’t sell their properties) and, secondly, that you are much the healthier for not partaking in anything so dangerous as sport.
If croquet is too violent for you, why not try a gentle jog instead? If you are lucky enough to live in Greater London, what can be better than inhaling enough carbon dioxide to satisfy any number of bulk chemical processes just by running to the local Tesco Metro and back? With the price of the average shopping basket nowadays, it brings a new meaning to the term 'congestion charge'. Together with the jarring of the knees and ankles incurred by regular running on tarmac, you can console yourself that you will be the mainstay of our great British institution - the National Health Service - well into your 70s. Not only that, with the way our pensions are performing, you will still be working and paying the tax to support the NHS at 70 too.
Are you having second thoughts about sport?
Of course you are.
If you are lucky enough to have a day off, settle back into your settee, pour yourself a beer and watch all of the programmes about people buying property. You can console yourself firstly by knowing that all those people who have jumped onto the 'let’s make a fast buck by buying a property, doing it up and selling it quickly, having used up the goodwill of our extended family and friends by inviting them to a decorating party and getting a day’s hard labour out of them in exchange for some mediocre beer and John Prescott’s latest range of microwave hamburger' bandwagon have been losing megabucks since the programmes were made (as the interest rates have gone up and they can’t sell their properties) and, secondly, that you are much the healthier for not partaking in anything so dangerous as sport.
Here Is The Writer : Peter Haines
Peter Haines has more than 20 years of experience in regulation and compliance, which he now offers through his consultancy firm. Peter has the misfortune to support Tottenham Hotspur, Kent CCC and England or Great Britain in most competitive sports. Fortunately, he enjoys a full and happy family life with his wife and two children in Suffolk, which compensates for the sporting trauma associated with supporting Spurs and England. Anybody who knows Peter well will confirm that he has the ideal physical profile of an armchair supporter.
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