In 2005, a leading national newspaper reported than drinking one cup of coffee per day can help prevent liver cancer. Great! In March 2006, the same paper printed that more than three cups per day can dramatically increase the risk of a heart attack. Not so great.

That October, they told us that three cups per day helps reduce mental decline as you age. So anything up to three cups is all good. Keep it to three cups per day maximum and we'll all have healthy livers and sharp minds without delving into heart attack territory. Simple.

Then, in January 2008, they gave an added bonus to the ladies - three cups per day can also help to prevent ovarian cancer. So as long as you don't go over the magic three cups, livers, brains and ovaries will all be tip top. In July 2008, they told us what would happen if we went over the magic three - four cups per day damages your chances of becoming pregnant. (No more than three, I told you!) But just when you thought all was clear, last October, they gave us this: three cups a day can shrink female breasts.

Damn. I thought three cups was OK. And just when we were getting over that news, they told us in January 2009 that four cups per day can cut the risk of Alzheimer’s by two-thirds (although 'excessive' amounts can cause hallucinations).
 
So to summarise, one cup per day will help keep your liver sweet. If you want to help keep your brain in good shape too, then push it up to three cups, which is extra good if you are a woman because it'll also help keep your ovaries cancer free. (But alas, your boobs will shrink). If you're happy with your coffee-induced breast reduction, why not push it up to four cups per day? That way you'll help keep Alzheimer’s at bay. (Hooray!) But you'll be childless, start seeing things, and probably having a heart attack. (Boo!)
 
It's not just coffee that has these live-or-die properties. Take red wine, for example. In 2008 it helped you lose weight, boost your memory and reduced the risk of dementia and arthritis. In 2009, it doubled the risk of throat cancer, increased the risk of breast cancer by 25%, and gave you 'the shakes' (all whilst adding five years to your life).
 
Think of any food, and the chances are that the media have at one point or another told you that it is both good - and bad - for you. Are they to blame for this contradictory scaremongering? Or is it the various universities and 'research institutes' with dubious credentials who are at fault for submitting their findings to the press in the first place? Ultimately the media make editorial decisions to include these sensationalist stories because they make eye catching headlines - which sell papers. As long as they continue to do this, the crazy scientists with too much time or their hands will keep churning out and feeding them more of this rubbish.
 
Today's paper suggests mushrooms can help fight the flu. I fully expect next week to be told they make your legs fall off.

Here Is The Writer : The Doctor

The Doctor left college in 1999 and immediatley started working in the City whilst deciding what he really wanted to do with his life. Ten years later (and still with no idea) he's 'done time' in a variety of City institutions and currently works in the Operations department of an Asset Management company in the heart of the Square Mile. A self-confessed trivia buff, The Doctor is also the founder of the ever-popular Friday Office Quiz (www.fridayofficequiz.com), giving the brains of the banking world a much needed workout each and every week.

view more articles by The Doctor

Showing results 1 - 2 of 2.

Add Comment (go on... log in)

TODAY

• Why You've Been Inexplicably Dumped
• Unemployed? Cash Is On The Way
• A City Girl's Wish List

THIS WEEK

• A City Girl's Wish List
• NY Posts: Money Never Sleeps
• Don't Pick Up the Soap