Women, Get in the Ring
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This week, HITC's Soul Sister advises on (unhealthy) female competition, and we've got a book suggestion for anyone working with a queen bee.
Dear Soul Sister
I work at a French bank with a woman who is constantly in competition with me, especially in front of our boss, and it drives me mad. Why? I'm a woman too (and there aren't many of us!) and think women should help each other, not try to out-do each other. How do I get her to cooperate?
Jackie
Dear Jackie
Yours is still a man's world, so it must be extra tough for you to feel attacked by a fellow female. There are many reasons why this could be happening, having everything or nothing to do with you.
First, ask yourself what she is trying to achieve. Does she want your job? Is she trying to impress your boss (at your expense)? Is she compensating for a perceived failing? Is she older, younger or less attractive than you?
Equally consider if this is a personal style issue of hers that she may not be aware of at all. She may think she is being assertive but comes across as aggressive. Try to observe how she is with others in the workplace - is she behaving like that with them as well?
If you decide to challenge her behaviour, do it softly, softly. Get out of the office and gently approach it from a place of wanting to find out what she thinks is happening between you. You may be sending out totally different vibes you think you are, and be equally surprised at how she sees you.
To submit a question, email soulsister@hereisthecity.com. Unfortunately, she can't answer all questions or enter into correspondence.
I work at a French bank with a woman who is constantly in competition with me, especially in front of our boss, and it drives me mad. Why? I'm a woman too (and there aren't many of us!) and think women should help each other, not try to out-do each other. How do I get her to cooperate?
Jackie
Dear Jackie
Yours is still a man's world, so it must be extra tough for you to feel attacked by a fellow female. There are many reasons why this could be happening, having everything or nothing to do with you.
First, ask yourself what she is trying to achieve. Does she want your job? Is she trying to impress your boss (at your expense)? Is she compensating for a perceived failing? Is she older, younger or less attractive than you?
Equally consider if this is a personal style issue of hers that she may not be aware of at all. She may think she is being assertive but comes across as aggressive. Try to observe how she is with others in the workplace - is she behaving like that with them as well?
If you decide to challenge her behaviour, do it softly, softly. Get out of the office and gently approach it from a place of wanting to find out what she thinks is happening between you. You may be sending out totally different vibes you think you are, and be equally surprised at how she sees you.
To submit a question, email soulsister@hereisthecity.com. Unfortunately, she can't answer all questions or enter into correspondence.
Here Is The Writer : Annegret O'Dwyer
Annegret O'Dwyer is a psychotherapist who has had a practise in Harley Street for 10 years, and recently opened one in Southbank. She is accredited and licensed by the UKCP (United Kingdom Council of Psychotherapy) and the EAP (European Association of Psychotherapists). Her favourite book is How to be Happy by the Dalai Lama, and The Right to Speak by Patsy Rodenburg, and she likes spending her evenings at the cinema or theatre.
www.annegretodwyer.co.uk
view more articles by Annegret O'Dwyer
