Not for the first time was Resting Banker Girl (RBG) opining on the uselessness of most of this city’s (world’s?) so-called recruitment agencies.

"But darling you knew this," I said.

"Most of them are called Annabel, Emma and Charlotte, did a nice degree, and are merely sitting there doing SFA until they marry Rupert or Simon."

"Ten years ago people were talking about transferable skills but they still don’t get it," said RBG. "One told me that she understood I had client relationship experience but these were different kinds of clients. What the f**k?"

Ms R has been there. She understands and is always here to help so here is a colourful example of an approach that banking types - or indeed anyone - might like to take when faced with useless CharlotteEmmaAnnabel who is simply not getting through her not-really-blonde head that you can do the job.

CharlotteEmmaAnnabel: Hello Unemployed Person. Thank you for coming in. It’s a very good CV you have but I’m having trouble understanding how you can fit into this role.  I’ll just describe it a little and then we’ll go through your background.

As you know the job spec is for Head of Human Trafficking. It’s a big role that calls for a lot of different skills but primarily you’ll be in charge of a number of geographic regions. At times you’ll be very strategic and at others you’ll need to be hands on. I can’t stress enough that this is a very responsible position. Can you tell me what interests you in the role?

Candidate: Well, I do feel that Head of Human Trafficking is a natural extension of what I’ve been doing.

CharlotteEmmaAnnabel: Yes, I see you’ve been working for Arms Dealers for a few years.

Candidate: That’s right. My major task was dealing with some of the world’s most notorious regimes. We had a good reputation with small and medium dictatorships but were not getting in front of the larger rogue states. I took on that marketing role and now we sell twice as many rocket launchers and ground to air missiles each month. So I am in a position to help increase the output as Head of Human Trafficking.

CharlotteEmmaAnnabel: Hmm. I’m still not sure. Tell me about the role before that.

Candidate: Head of Sales for quite a large Drug Trafficking outfit.

CharlotteEmmaAnnabel: That must’ve been a very responsible role. How does it relate to this one?

Candidate: Well, yes the job involved delicate negotiations, often in secret locations and guns. Packaging the deal was very important as of course was pricing. So it’s very similar to the role you’re offering.

CharlotteEmmaAnnabel: Ah yes, now I see it. Eureka!! What a silly recruitment person I have been. Why do you want to be Head of Human Trafficking?

Candidate: Well, you know. I just LOVE working with people.  Especially desperate people. Plus I think Human Trafficking suffers from a bad image - not as bad as say something like banking obviously - and I think it’s ready for a wider audience. And you know at the end of the day cramming some half dead people into a crate isn’t much different from stuffing statues with coke.

CharlotteEmmaAnnabel: Wouldn’t you get bored doing this job?

Candidate: No, I would absolutely love this opportunity. It’s what I’ve ALWAYS wanted to do etc. etc. (People I know you know the rest.)

Here Is The Writer : Ms Robinson

Ms Robinson was once a copywriter who wrote award winning ads and had eight hour lunches. Weary of the sex, glamour and lavish parties, she switched to corporate communications where she held the hands of executives and banned them from writing this execrable sentence: "In this ever changing world, the only constant is change itself." These days she writes for an increasing variety of people and has ghostwritten several books but if she told you who for, she'd have to kill you. Click here to read her blog, Woman of Experience.

view more articles by Ms Robinson

Showing results 1 - 4 of 4.

Add Comment (go on... log in)

TODAY

• X-Factor Has the X-Factor
• So Londoners Are Nice After All
• The Market is in Your Hands

THIS WEEK

• Can a City Girl Become a Country Girl?
• So Londoners Are Nice After All
• Whiskey, Women and Gold