When Your Boss Wants More
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There's a long history of "sleeping with the boss." Romance novels romanticize it and journals analyze it. How do you get out of it before it begins? The Soul Sister helps.
Dear Soul Sister
My boss is after me in a sexual way. Though we work together in a bigger bit of the back office, it's not that big and those closer in are picking up on the good vibrations (and my nervous ones). What's my strategy?
MM
Dear MM
This is a tough one: you didn't say if your boss is a man or a women, straight or gay, partnered or single - or indeed how you would tick those boxes. So it sounds like this has more to do with you feeling powerless to react as you'd like since this person has some (if not a lot of) influence over your life. You say you're nervous - are you excited or frightened? It is important that you decide what you really feel in this situation as that will determine how you proceed. It is never easy to have an intimate relationship with a colleague (and even harder with a boss), so make very sure you know what you want.
If you decide this is something you don't want, carefully but clearly state your position, and very importantly, do it indirectly. This will keep it from being offensive or hurtful, and avoid repercussions. Making it obvious you have a girlfriend or boyfriend you are meeting after work should be enough. You work in an environment full of bright people who will get the drift if you drop clear hints.
Spare their feelings - and help them save face with the team - by not rejecting them outright, but don't spare their feelings by ignoring the issue. That will only make temptation and the pursuit worse.
To submit a question, email soulsister@hereisthecity.com. Unfortunately, she can't answer all questions or enter into correspondence.
My boss is after me in a sexual way. Though we work together in a bigger bit of the back office, it's not that big and those closer in are picking up on the good vibrations (and my nervous ones). What's my strategy?
MM
Dear MM
This is a tough one: you didn't say if your boss is a man or a women, straight or gay, partnered or single - or indeed how you would tick those boxes. So it sounds like this has more to do with you feeling powerless to react as you'd like since this person has some (if not a lot of) influence over your life. You say you're nervous - are you excited or frightened? It is important that you decide what you really feel in this situation as that will determine how you proceed. It is never easy to have an intimate relationship with a colleague (and even harder with a boss), so make very sure you know what you want.
If you decide this is something you don't want, carefully but clearly state your position, and very importantly, do it indirectly. This will keep it from being offensive or hurtful, and avoid repercussions. Making it obvious you have a girlfriend or boyfriend you are meeting after work should be enough. You work in an environment full of bright people who will get the drift if you drop clear hints.
Spare their feelings - and help them save face with the team - by not rejecting them outright, but don't spare their feelings by ignoring the issue. That will only make temptation and the pursuit worse.
To submit a question, email soulsister@hereisthecity.com. Unfortunately, she can't answer all questions or enter into correspondence.
Here Is The Writer : Annegret O'Dwyer
Annegret O'Dwyer is a psychotherapist who has had a practise in Harley Street for 10 years, and recently opened one in Southbank. She is accredited and licensed by the UKCP (United Kingdom Council of Psychotherapy) and the EAP (European Association of Psychotherapists). Her favourite book is How to be Happy by the Dalai Lama, and The Right to Speak by Patsy Rodenburg, and she likes spending her evenings at the cinema or theatre.
www.annegretodwyer.co.uk
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