There is no doubt that we have a national obsession with the sexual indiscretions of others. Newspapers and magazines dedicate hundreds of column inches each week to the predilections of our leaders or their wives, 'celebs', and sportsmen.

However, as much as we love to read about the fall from grace of the powerful and famous, one category of sex story is guaranteed to appeal to our schadenfreude side, and that is the perverted and downright bizarre, as the following 'examples' illustrate.

Even this cold weather has not affected the amour of an anonymous man in Southampton for stainless steel. Evidently 28 of the 30 minutes it took the firemen to cut him free where taken up with them laughing (and let's face it, you want someone with steady hands for that kind of job). It's not just cold naked steel that can prove tempting. Henry the Hoover’s smile proved a little to alluring to 'a Polish contractor' at Great Ormond Street hospital who was discovered by security 'naked and on his knees with the smiling cleaner'. In his defence, the builder claimed he was just vacuuming his underwear, which evidently is 'a common practice in Poland'. Henry was unavailable for comment.

Robert Stewart of Ayr was convicted in 2008 of a count of sexually aggravated breach of the peace by ‘conducting himself in a disorderly manner and simulating sex’. In short, having sex with a bike - the pedal type. Mr Stewart’s tryst was stumbled upon by cleaners at the hostel he was staying at. (It's not clear if at the time they where looking for a missing hoover.) Mr Stewart offered the explanation that it was caused by a misunderstanding after he had too much to drink. Obviously this is possible as a bike looks just like a woman. Apart from obviously now having to send out far less Christmas cards this year, Mr Stewart’s life will never be the same as he will have to deal with the boys in blue every time a bike goes missing in Ayr.

Finally, blessed with features that surely fit the nature of his crime, Ian Stafford, the former mayor of Presall in Lancashire, made the news earlier this month following his conviction of breaking into homes and stealing ladies underwear. Having committed the burglaries between 1 January and 26 June last year, Stafford showed that he wasn’t just a pretty face, and that in addition to his perversion, he is a man to stick to a New Year Resolution!

Here Is The Writer : Martin Gallagher

Martin Gallagher has never played for West Ham or England, nor had a number one hit single, but he has worked in the City for many years (for what that's worth). A life-long Londoner, he made the migration from east to west a few years back and is still trying to get used to the absence of fried chicken takeaways and the over abdundance of coffee shops. Martin is married, has three daughters, and is also interested in travelling, football and writing. He hopes to publish his first novel 'sometime in the future'.

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