An age-old problem makes its way to The Soul Sister. What do you do when you fear your friend's girlfriend doesn't adore your friend for all of the right reasons?

Dear Soul Sister

I'm pretty certain my friend's girlfriend is a gold-digger. Should I warn him or hope he figures it out on his own?

The Guard


Dear Guard

This can be a real problem for quite a few people working in the City - or who have made a lot of money fast - and you're in a delicate position. You want to be supportive to your friend, but you also don't want upset him by underestimating his judgement.

What reasons do you have for thinking she's a gold-digger? Does she have a history of being with wealthy men? Does she have too much of a liking for nice things? She may be used to being in these circles, so you must be careful with your judgement.

There are other things to consider. For example, he may well consider it a fair bargain to swap riches for beauty or stability.

Some City guys are amazingly modest (others may say realistic) when it comes to expectations for relationships. They have little time and perhaps expect failure (one in three marriages do fail), so they deliberately settle for a pretty, fun girl who may be clever enough to want luxury without having to work for it.

Many of these men aren't emotionally literate enough to work out that this is a recipe for disaster once lust is displaced by power struggles.

So are you friends enough to discuss such weighty matters? If yes, then do it.

If not, he could get very upset and lose one of his real friends - one of whom he might need in the future.

Tread carefully, even if you are not treading on dreams, and only carefully evaluated City thinking.


To submit a question, email soulsister@hereisthecity.com. Unfortunately, she can't answer all questions or enter into correspondence.

Here Is The Writer : Annegret O'Dwyer

Annegret O'Dwyer is a psychotherapist who has had a practise in Harley Street for 10 years, and recently opened one in Southbank. She is accredited and licensed by the UKCP (United Kingdom Council of Psychotherapy) and the EAP (European Association of Psychotherapists). Her favourite book is How to be Happy by the Dalai Lama, and The Right to Speak by Patsy Rodenburg, and she likes spending her evenings at the cinema or theatre.

www.annegretodwyer.co.uk

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