Too Much P.rn & No Girlfriend
The topic of porn has been a popular one, and now the Soul Sister takes on another problem created by too much porn: No Action.
Dear Soul Sister
I read the column about the guy whose girlfriend is sick of porn being in bed with them. I've got an even worse problem - I've got no girlfriend, because all I do is watch porn. How do I break the cycle?
Mr 0
Dear Mr 0
Thank you so much for being brave enough to write in with your problem - because this is a very serious problem.
This is exactly what I tried to allude to before, but you say it so much better: "I have no girlfriend, because I am hooked on porn."
Whilst I am a great supporter of exploring life and trying all sorts of experiences and adventures to make life richer and varied, I really believe that porn - by definition - reduces our experience and diminishes our love for adventure by focusing it on the 'three minutes' scenario.
It eventually leads to an impoverishment of sensuality by reducing sex to mechanics. How poor is that?
And the additional problem is that we all live by habits, which once formed are difficult to change. We tend to want to increase stimulation and pleasure in ways to which we are already conditioned - and with porn, this is a losing battle.
This is the moment to take stock, really think hard about where you are going in your life and what you really want, and then make a tough decision.
Some professionals would call this an addiction. I prefer instead of labelling you with a mental illness to look first at the motivation for the symptom.
Why do you prefer this relatively easy way of titillation? Are you shy? Did you bad sexual experiences when younger?
This is best considered within a therapeutic, supportive relationship, as it is very hard to unfold these things on your own.
I am confident that with the right support you can find a way toward the real world and toward real people, who though perhaps challenging in their demands, will also give you lots of interest, fun and satisfaction.
I read the column about the guy whose girlfriend is sick of porn being in bed with them. I've got an even worse problem - I've got no girlfriend, because all I do is watch porn. How do I break the cycle?
Mr 0
Dear Mr 0
Thank you so much for being brave enough to write in with your problem - because this is a very serious problem.
This is exactly what I tried to allude to before, but you say it so much better: "I have no girlfriend, because I am hooked on porn."
Whilst I am a great supporter of exploring life and trying all sorts of experiences and adventures to make life richer and varied, I really believe that porn - by definition - reduces our experience and diminishes our love for adventure by focusing it on the 'three minutes' scenario.
It eventually leads to an impoverishment of sensuality by reducing sex to mechanics. How poor is that?
And the additional problem is that we all live by habits, which once formed are difficult to change. We tend to want to increase stimulation and pleasure in ways to which we are already conditioned - and with porn, this is a losing battle.
This is the moment to take stock, really think hard about where you are going in your life and what you really want, and then make a tough decision.
Some professionals would call this an addiction. I prefer instead of labelling you with a mental illness to look first at the motivation for the symptom.
Why do you prefer this relatively easy way of titillation? Are you shy? Did you bad sexual experiences when younger?
This is best considered within a therapeutic, supportive relationship, as it is very hard to unfold these things on your own.
I am confident that with the right support you can find a way toward the real world and toward real people, who though perhaps challenging in their demands, will also give you lots of interest, fun and satisfaction.
Here Is The Writer : Annegret O'Dwyer
Annegret O'Dwyer is a psychotherapist who has had a practise in Harley Street for 10 years, and recently opened one in Southbank. She is accredited and licensed by the UKCP (United Kingdom Council of Psychotherapy) and the EAP (European Association of Psychotherapists). Her favourite book is How to be Happy by the Dalai Lama, and The Right to Speak by Patsy Rodenburg, and she likes spending her evenings at the cinema or theatre.
www.annegretodwyer.co.uk
view more articles by Annegret O'Dwyer
