Up the Corporate Threesome Ladder
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Ms Robinson makes her debut with a very valid question. Is it worth sleeping with a member of the board and his wife to get ahead? And perhaps more importantly, is it acceptable if this happens at a Holiday Inn?
Dear Ms R,
I work for a hedge fund and I have been here for a long time after a successful career trading from various City dealing rooms. The bragging being for the purpose of illustrating that I have enough money to light a large fire of £50 notes under the problem if that's what it takes to get rid of it. And also that even the best people in the City have problems like the rest of you.
My problem is this: my elevation to the board has been specifically blocked by one particular board member and he is a very big member indeed, in several senses. He has always been hostile to me but a recent turn of events has completely fazed me. I was at a fancy dress party at his estate at Easter and I was in his library looking at his manuscripts to see if he read Plato or the Beano, suspecting the latter.
He came in and we got chatting. Suddenly he began swirling me around and we began some very drunken dancing to the sound of the rather poor string orchestra he'd hired. That was odd, but it got worse: he began fondling my buttocks which shocked me immensely since I had assumed him to be entirely hetero - he had a rather cute wife about 20 years younger than himself. What shocked me even more was that a moment or two later his wife stood in the doorway apparently completely unperturbed by this.
He then asked me if I'd ever done a threesome at a Holiday Inn. I must have looked a bit shocked because his wife just giggled. It was made clear to me that my chances of getting on the board would improve immeasurably. I confess I find the idea of gay sex a bit sickening but I'd not entirely rule it out if it gets me on the board. Plus I would get to screw his wife who is rather fit, and I might even get some action in just with her.
So my questions are: is it acceptable to be seen at a Holiday Inn, even if it is for critical career enhancement? Is it appropriate to have gross sex with someone you loathe just to get ahead? How do I go about getting side action from his wife and how do I do a threesome without touching him at all?
D.
Dear D,
My dear fellow in this world we all have to make sacrifices. And in a world where everyone has enough £50 notes to burn and snort (if they wish) I suspect this man wants to see what you're made of.
Just how much he wants to see is the question really. It may be that he is simply messing with your head; after all when you make a couple of hundred million a year what else is there to do for sport?
My educated guess is that this man likes to engage in threesomes from time to time and perhaps even those orgies I've heard about that happen in nice houses in West London. It may be that he is not homosexual but had merely swigged a bit too much Krug and was being playful in a cuddly, rugby changing room kind of way. It's likely that his young wife was obtained with the express purpose of helping him pursue his somewhat pedestrian fantasies; I would not be surprised to learn that she is bisexual as girl on girl action is pretty much a novelty for the moneyed set, who haven't figured out that people have been f.cking in all sorts of permutations and combinations for many thousands of years. (Do the numbers boys).
Frankly I don't think a bit of group sex is too much to ask for a seat on the board. You could ensure that your chances of getting more girl action and less of him are increased by inviting a female friend along. That will show him that you're already a man of the world who knows how to swing his d.ck. And if you have to do the deed just be gracious about it and think about that time you mistakenly had 'gross sex' as you quaintly put it, when you were at Oxford. And that it's a small price to pay for some fun with the young, trophy wife. Where are you going to find an a.s like that yourself?
My only concern for you is the Holiday Inn: do it there and you'll have nowhere left to go except maybe the Travelodge and Premier Inns. After that it's a slippery slope to swinging parties in the suburbs, dogging in car parks and public conveniences.
If you'd like to ask Ms Robinson a question, click here.
Here Is The Writer : Ms Robinson
Ms Robinson was once a copywriter who wrote award winning ads and had eight hour lunches. Weary of the sex, glamour and lavish parties, she switched to corporate communications where she held the hands of executives and banned them from writing this execrable sentence: "In this ever changing world, the only constant is change itself." These days she writes for an increasing variety of people and has ghostwritten several books but if she told you who for, she'd have to kill you. Click here to read her blog, Woman of Experience.
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