Where's My Valentine?
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Dear Soul Sister: I hate Valentine's Day. Yet another day of love, and I have nobody.
Every shop window screams at me, "Love! Love! Love!" and every restaurant offers another rip-off deal for loving couples. Cards and flowers arrive in the office for all but me. Why can’t I find someone to be with? I'm a good looking, successful 30-year-old City girl, and all I want is a traditional marriage where I have the kids, he earns the money, and we have a happy life. I don’t get it. What’s so bad about that? My friends tell me I am not emancipated enough, but guys still seem scared of me. I'm confused.
- LL
Dear LL:
And so am I. You work in the City and have a successful career, but say that you are a traditional girl who just wants a simple life. You live one life yet say you want the other. Are you sure about what you want?
With the job you do comes behaviours that aren’t really the kind needed for a caring home-life. Life in the City is tough, and as we all know, it makes people tough. It is hard to be kind when the knives are out every day. You may have become harder and stronger than you know, and men can get confused by the mixed signals. It's probably difficult for them to believe that this hard-nosed City girl will turn into a sweet women who will be happy wiping the kids' noses.
The way forward? Maybe trying some decent online dating site and tell the whole truth there. Meanwhile, there are also ways of using the little spare time you have to meaningfully polish-up your compassionate skills, like doing volunteer work, where you will also meet like-minded people.
Love is not something that falls from the sky. It is not a wonderful thing that descends upon us and remains there forever after - regardless of what the pink Valentine says. Love is the result of investing lots of time, attention, and energy into relating to another human being; trying to be good to them, making them feel good, and hoping that this work will be done to us as well.
I wish you well on that journey into love.
- LL
Dear LL:
And so am I. You work in the City and have a successful career, but say that you are a traditional girl who just wants a simple life. You live one life yet say you want the other. Are you sure about what you want?
With the job you do comes behaviours that aren’t really the kind needed for a caring home-life. Life in the City is tough, and as we all know, it makes people tough. It is hard to be kind when the knives are out every day. You may have become harder and stronger than you know, and men can get confused by the mixed signals. It's probably difficult for them to believe that this hard-nosed City girl will turn into a sweet women who will be happy wiping the kids' noses.
The way forward? Maybe trying some decent online dating site and tell the whole truth there. Meanwhile, there are also ways of using the little spare time you have to meaningfully polish-up your compassionate skills, like doing volunteer work, where you will also meet like-minded people.
Love is not something that falls from the sky. It is not a wonderful thing that descends upon us and remains there forever after - regardless of what the pink Valentine says. Love is the result of investing lots of time, attention, and energy into relating to another human being; trying to be good to them, making them feel good, and hoping that this work will be done to us as well.
I wish you well on that journey into love.
Here Is The Writer : Annegret O'Dwyer
Annegret O'Dwyer is a psychotherapist who has had a practise in Harley Street for 10 years, and recently opened one in Southbank. She is accredited and licensed by the UKCP (United Kingdom Council of Psychotherapy) and the EAP (European Association of Psychotherapists). Her favourite book is How to be Happy by the Dalai Lama, and The Right to Speak by Patsy Rodenburg, and she likes spending her evenings at the cinema or theatre.
www.annegretodwyer.co.uk
view more articles by Annegret O'Dwyer
Article Comments & Ratings
Anon 23rd Feb, 2:17pm
You are not the only girl that feels that way - there are many lonely hearts wandering the city. The problem is, you just not at the right place, at the right time.
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