A Gossipy Friend
We've all had toxic friends (and some of us still have them). The Soul Sister helps identify one (and we give you the definition and a quiz).
Dear Soul Sister
Anything I say to one of my friends (A) she tells another of our friends (B), including things that I'd rather she didn't (like the fact I think our friend (B) is crazy to be sleeping with this guy in her office). I'm not sure if she (A) is trying to do me harm or make our friend (B) feel badly. Should I say something to her (A)? Just let it go? Just watch what I say to my friend (A)?
Displeased
Dear Displeased
If A really is your friend then you must talk her (and perhaps talk to B as well).
The term 'friendship' is badly defined these days, so first make sure you know what you want out of a friend. What kind of friend is A if she gossips like that? What do you want out of the friendship with her? And what do you get?
Also consider what kind of friend you are to others. Are you reliable, supportive and helpful?
That what we all look for in a friend, someone we can trust to be on our side when difficult situations arise - like the one you're in. Perhaps you'll find that B is a friend to keep, and A is not.
If you decide to try and keep A as a friend, tell her you're disappointed by the way she's betrayed your confidences. She may not even be aware you want things kept private, so make it clear where you stand, and if she lets you down, evaluate the friendship again.
Anything I say to one of my friends (A) she tells another of our friends (B), including things that I'd rather she didn't (like the fact I think our friend (B) is crazy to be sleeping with this guy in her office). I'm not sure if she (A) is trying to do me harm or make our friend (B) feel badly. Should I say something to her (A)? Just let it go? Just watch what I say to my friend (A)?
Displeased
Dear Displeased
If A really is your friend then you must talk her (and perhaps talk to B as well).
The term 'friendship' is badly defined these days, so first make sure you know what you want out of a friend. What kind of friend is A if she gossips like that? What do you want out of the friendship with her? And what do you get?
Also consider what kind of friend you are to others. Are you reliable, supportive and helpful?
That what we all look for in a friend, someone we can trust to be on our side when difficult situations arise - like the one you're in. Perhaps you'll find that B is a friend to keep, and A is not.
If you decide to try and keep A as a friend, tell her you're disappointed by the way she's betrayed your confidences. She may not even be aware you want things kept private, so make it clear where you stand, and if she lets you down, evaluate the friendship again.
Here Is The Writer : Annegret O'Dwyer
Annegret O'Dwyer is a psychotherapist who has had a practise in Harley Street for 10 years, and recently opened one in Southbank. She is accredited and licensed by the UKCP (United Kingdom Council of Psychotherapy) and the EAP (European Association of Psychotherapists). Her favourite book is How to be Happy by the Dalai Lama, and The Right to Speak by Patsy Rodenburg, and she likes spending her evenings at the cinema or theatre.
www.annegretodwyer.co.uk
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