Meeting Dad's Girlfriend
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Post-divorce romance is always hard on kids. Can anything make it easier? The Soul Sister brings it back to what all kids really want.
Hi Soul Sister
I'm about to introduce my kids to my partner, who I expect will be around for a long time. Any suggestions? They're nine and 13 and this is the first girlfriend of mine they'll be meeting after my divorce (two years ago).
Thanks
BB
Hi BB
You have been acting very wisely in not introducing any casual partners after the divorce - your children have had enough to cope with. As this happened at a young age, they would have found it hard enough to understand what was going on without feeling ashamed or anxious.
As you seem to be sure that this woman is going to be your partner for a while then it is also sensible to let them meet her as they may already suspect you've met someone. They may have picked up a change in you and wondered - again a source of anxiety and insecurity - about it. Having the facts will reassure them.
I suggest you do this very gently, maybe first outside your home - which is 'theirs' - in a fun place you can all enjoy. Do expect some difficulties - they are asked to share you with a strange woman after all, after having you all to themselves.
The 13-year old is also just entering puberty, so be ready for a rough ride from that corner!
Explain that you need and want a companion in your life, but above all, assure them that they are safe and will be the centre of your life no matter what.
To submit a question, email soulsister@hereisthecity.com. Unfortunately, she can't answer all questions or enter into correspondence.
I'm about to introduce my kids to my partner, who I expect will be around for a long time. Any suggestions? They're nine and 13 and this is the first girlfriend of mine they'll be meeting after my divorce (two years ago).
Thanks
BB
Hi BB
You have been acting very wisely in not introducing any casual partners after the divorce - your children have had enough to cope with. As this happened at a young age, they would have found it hard enough to understand what was going on without feeling ashamed or anxious.
As you seem to be sure that this woman is going to be your partner for a while then it is also sensible to let them meet her as they may already suspect you've met someone. They may have picked up a change in you and wondered - again a source of anxiety and insecurity - about it. Having the facts will reassure them.
I suggest you do this very gently, maybe first outside your home - which is 'theirs' - in a fun place you can all enjoy. Do expect some difficulties - they are asked to share you with a strange woman after all, after having you all to themselves.
The 13-year old is also just entering puberty, so be ready for a rough ride from that corner!
Explain that you need and want a companion in your life, but above all, assure them that they are safe and will be the centre of your life no matter what.
To submit a question, email soulsister@hereisthecity.com. Unfortunately, she can't answer all questions or enter into correspondence.
Here Is The Writer : Annegret O'Dwyer
Annegret O'Dwyer is a psychotherapist who has had a practise in Harley Street for 10 years, and recently opened one in Southbank. She is accredited and licensed by the UKCP (United Kingdom Council of Psychotherapy) and the EAP (European Association of Psychotherapists). Her favourite book is How to be Happy by the Dalai Lama, and The Right to Speak by Patsy Rodenburg, and she likes spending her evenings at the cinema or theatre.
www.annegretodwyer.co.uk
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