Introducing Mr & Mrs Properly
2008 heralds the arrival of HITC's etiquette experts, Mr and Mrs Properly. Married and appropriate but also totally realistic, they'll help get you through the murky waters of modern etiquette. Feel free to write in with a quandary, observation or nicely-put complaint.
Dear Mr & Mrs Properly
The other day on the Tube, I wanted to give up my seat for a woman I thought was pregnant. But maybe she wasn't, so I did nothing. How does one do the right thing without risking offense?
Mr. Still Sitting
Mr Properly
It is always polite to offer your seat to a woman, pregnant or not, but in these days of equality you do need to be careful you don't offend. If you're not sure, don't say anything. Just get up when she's most likely to be next in line for your seat, and if she wants it she'll take it, and if she needs it, she'll make sure she gets it.
I did see a woman recently wearing a button that said 'Baby on Board', which made things pretty clear, and in her case, clarification certainly was needed. Not the most fashionable of accessories though...
Mrs Properly
Thank goodness women wear their bumps with pride these days. That does help a bit! But generally - with all women you encounter - it's wisest not to be the first one to bring up a suspected pregnancy.
To address the question, a pregnant woman who needs a seat will scan for the person who will give it up to her, but most likely won't be bold enough to ask unless she's really desperate (in which case her condition should be clear and everyone not carrying passengers should be on their feet). So keep your eyes on hers, since eye contact could help confirm your read on the situation.
The other day on the Tube, I wanted to give up my seat for a woman I thought was pregnant. But maybe she wasn't, so I did nothing. How does one do the right thing without risking offense?
Mr. Still Sitting
Mr Properly
It is always polite to offer your seat to a woman, pregnant or not, but in these days of equality you do need to be careful you don't offend. If you're not sure, don't say anything. Just get up when she's most likely to be next in line for your seat, and if she wants it she'll take it, and if she needs it, she'll make sure she gets it.
I did see a woman recently wearing a button that said 'Baby on Board', which made things pretty clear, and in her case, clarification certainly was needed. Not the most fashionable of accessories though...
Mrs Properly
Thank goodness women wear their bumps with pride these days. That does help a bit! But generally - with all women you encounter - it's wisest not to be the first one to bring up a suspected pregnancy.
To address the question, a pregnant woman who needs a seat will scan for the person who will give it up to her, but most likely won't be bold enough to ask unless she's really desperate (in which case her condition should be clear and everyone not carrying passengers should be on their feet). So keep your eyes on hers, since eye contact could help confirm your read on the situation.
Here Is The Writer : Mr & Mrs Properly
Mr and Mrs Properly will never come to your home empty-handed. They hold doors for young and old alike, always say please and thank you (especially to each other), and try not to be judgemental when they witness bad manners. Their bookshelves feature works by Debrett's, Knigge, Miss Manners and Emily Post, and when they're bored, they write this column for Here Is The City while making dinner. Both work in the City.
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