Type A Goes Down
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- What's Your Personality Type? (11/11/2008)
Dear Soul Sister: I'm driven, I thrive on being busy, I'm achievement orientated, and I have fun being on the go. But I found myself crumbling and getting low-grade panic attacks over Christmas, and in the end, didn't get everything done or enjoy myself. What's going on?
Dear Miss A
There is a fine line between eustress and distress. Defined by Hans Selye, the former is the nice, pleasant, buzzy stress where you whizz around and have a ball getting and getting everything done in no time. The latter is what makes you feel almost immobile, with one thousand things in your mind, but unable to get much done. You can’t sleep properly, as you are so anxious about what there is left to do. You worry if people will like what you do (and if they actually like you at all). In other words, you return to a time when you were really stuck in your worst stress response and didn’t have the coping mechanisms to get you out of there, so the wheel turned ever quicker and your head got in a whirl.
It sounds like you might have stress caused by occasions, which is quite normal, even for high-achieving A types.
I have a client who, when very stressed, accidentally burns herself when cooking. It is only then she realises that she is stressed - she doesn’t notice before. And only then can she slow things down and relax herself, and cope much better.
The next time you start to feel breathless, on edge or a bit nauseous, STOP. Lie down and take some very nice long, diaghramatic breaths, and see how quickly you feel better. And then tell yourself some nice things about yourself - after all it’s the truth that you can cope well. That is what is called self-soothing in my field, and while it is nice to have someone validate your statements, you can easily do it to yourself by yourself.
We could also ask ourselves why it is that Christmas provokes a stress response in so many of us. Why does this feast promising happiness and light turn into disappointment and exhaustion for so many? We could start to examine more closely our expectations - are they realistic? Age-appropriate? Or are we stuck in some childhood dream, which we then foist upon our nearest and dearest?
Maybe it's time to know what we really need and to say so.
And maybe it's time to learn to be content.
There is a fine line between eustress and distress. Defined by Hans Selye, the former is the nice, pleasant, buzzy stress where you whizz around and have a ball getting and getting everything done in no time. The latter is what makes you feel almost immobile, with one thousand things in your mind, but unable to get much done. You can’t sleep properly, as you are so anxious about what there is left to do. You worry if people will like what you do (and if they actually like you at all). In other words, you return to a time when you were really stuck in your worst stress response and didn’t have the coping mechanisms to get you out of there, so the wheel turned ever quicker and your head got in a whirl.
It sounds like you might have stress caused by occasions, which is quite normal, even for high-achieving A types.
I have a client who, when very stressed, accidentally burns herself when cooking. It is only then she realises that she is stressed - she doesn’t notice before. And only then can she slow things down and relax herself, and cope much better.
The next time you start to feel breathless, on edge or a bit nauseous, STOP. Lie down and take some very nice long, diaghramatic breaths, and see how quickly you feel better. And then tell yourself some nice things about yourself - after all it’s the truth that you can cope well. That is what is called self-soothing in my field, and while it is nice to have someone validate your statements, you can easily do it to yourself by yourself.
We could also ask ourselves why it is that Christmas provokes a stress response in so many of us. Why does this feast promising happiness and light turn into disappointment and exhaustion for so many? We could start to examine more closely our expectations - are they realistic? Age-appropriate? Or are we stuck in some childhood dream, which we then foist upon our nearest and dearest?
Maybe it's time to know what we really need and to say so.
And maybe it's time to learn to be content.
Here Is The Writer : Annegret O'Dwyer
Annegret O'Dwyer is a psychotherapist who has had a practise in Harley Street for 10 years, and recently opened one in Southbank. She is accredited and licensed by the UKCP (United Kingdom Council of Psychotherapy) and the EAP (European Association of Psychotherapists). Her favourite book is How to be Happy by the Dalai Lama, and The Right to Speak by Patsy Rodenburg, and she likes spending her evenings at the cinema or theatre.
www.annegretodwyer.co.uk
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